Attack of the killer tomatoes

I’ve always loved tomatoes – the cooked variety. I love them in spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, sauteed, mixed up in salsa…all sorts of ways! But I’ve never been a fan of raw tomatoes. I don’t care if you dress them up in a hamburger and cover them with ketchup and mustard, raw tomatoes are GROSS.

So when tomatoes came under scrutiny for causing salmonella, I was happy. Yes, you heard me right! It was a great time in my life. I no longer had to tell restaurants to “hold the tomato” when I ordered a salad. I no longer had to pick tomatoes off my sandwiches. I was free! And in the back of my mind, I felt justified.

I always knew there was something sinister about raw tomatoes. I mean, they are the color of blood! That by itself should warn you off.

Last week, when I confidently ordered my low-carb breakfast at a popular restaurant that shall remain unnamed (*cough* Cracker Barrel *cough*), I was in for quite a shock. I had settled back comfortably in my booth and was enjoyingĀ a delightful conversation when I saw the waitress approach with our food. Hurray!

She set my plate in front of me.

Something was dreadfully wrong.

Sitting on the corner of my plate were two plump, fresh, slices of TOMATO.

They stared up at me, oozing their salmonella juice all over my eggs and laughed like Cruela de Vil. I could hear the music from “Psycho” play in the background as I looked at my plate in horror.

Why me?!

Which brings me to a question… Is anyone else getting tomatoes with their food again? Or was I singled out for a nefarious purpose? Hmm.


15 responses to “Attack of the killer tomatoes

  1. Okay, first I had to giggle because you suggested drowning out the lowly tomato with ketchup, which is made from, um….tomatoes. Next, we don’t get served tomatoes anymore?! Apparently the Canadian Tomato does not suffer the same disease as yours. Just had a hamburger (likely packed full of nasties itself) with a plump juicy tomato slice on top.

  2. I am with you on this. I love tomato-based products (ketchup, salsa, spaghetti sauce), but I LOATHE raw tomatoes. The taste is enough to make me gag.

  3. Well I heard on the news that they now think it is either cilantro or jalepeno’s…. Tomatoes have been cleared…

    you crack me up though!

  4. This was funny, first of all. Second of all – I suspect like everything else the dangerousness of raw tomatoes has been greatly over-exagerated.

    Personally, I love tomatoes in their native state – I grow seven or eight varieties every year and nothing takes as good as a tomatur off’n the vine. And btw, ketchup, tomato sauce and pizza sauce are also the color of blood.

    Still, I recognize your right not to have your inner peace disturbed by unwanted tomatoes – so guess you need to tell them you are allergic to tomatoes cuz then they’ll worry you might sue them if they make a mistake.

    BTW, I have the same animosity toward ketchup that you have toward raw tomatoes.


  5. I “heart” tomatoes, so I had to laugh a little at this. I just love them, so yummy. I can’t even imagine why people hate them. And this is coming from a girl who doesn’t eat chicken.

  6. My sister loves raw tomatoes but hates all tomato products (except pizza sauce). I’m the exact opposite, hating tomatoes and pizza hut’s sauce and loving the products of it. I never got out of the habit of saying “no tomatoes” thankfully because, yes, tomatoes are back.

    Now peppers are supposedly the enemy.

    Which is fine, because I never liked peppers anyway.

    Consider yourself lucky… at least you have a Cracker Barrel.

  7. I’m so happy to hear from your post and from some of these comments that I’m not the only one who loves anything made from tomatoes except tomatoes themselves. I can deal with them if I have to…but I’d rather not!

  8. Aaron, I think most of us probably felt like we were oppressed and cast away by society for our unusual tastes. This is the closest thing to a tomato product loving but tomato hating support group I’ve ever belonged to šŸ™‚

    Thanks, Dube!

  9. I still get them, but I pick them out of my food. Until I hear an “all clear” that they’re safe, I won’t eat them.

    I love raw tomatoes, but only if they’re on something or in a salsa. I can’t eat them alone. They must have friends.

  10. Oh! I so heart raw tomatoes!! They are one of my favorite fruits. I think I’m sort of the opposite of you–I prefer them raw to cooked–Why stew them to mushy, flavorless, shells of their former selves.

    Now cantelope . . . (See–I can’t even spelled the damn thing?) Cantelope is my enemy! šŸ™‚

    Funny post!

  11. I just put on a new post for the first time in almost 2 years! If you’re interested, check it out. I’m debating about blogging again or if there are better methods of sharing thoughts besides short Facebook status updates.

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