(photo of a Subway salad. Yes, they are this good.)

I’m eating low carb right now. The sad thing about low carb is that it cuts out a lot of my favorite foods. No more Subway or Quiznos sandwiches. No more pizza (except the occasional whole wheat Papa Johns). No more fun nights out with Italian pasta meals. No more Chik-Fil-A. No more chips & salsa. No more flour tortillas. No more pancakes! :( No more Cracker Barrel cheesy hashbrown casserole… *cry*

So, I’ve been living on a lot of salads lately (no tomatoes). On my way back from the gym today, I stopped by Subway for yet another salad. I put in my order, the guy gets out the bowl, looks at me, and says…

“Would you like lettuce with that?”

What the heck? Who would order a salad WITHOUT lettuce? The frightening thing is that I have been asked this MORE THAN ONCE at Subway, by DIFFERENT people. I really don’t get it. So I questioned him.

“Ya, I’m ordering a salad, so I would like lettuce please. You know, I’ve been asked this more than once. Do people come here and actually order a salad without lettuce?”

The guy looked embarrassed, smiled, and said, “Umm, no.”

So what’s the deal? Do I just look so darn cute that the Subway guys stumble over their words and briefly forget what goes in a salad? NO. Seeing as I had just left the gym, there was absolutely nothing attractive about me. Unless you like lumpy ponytails.

I really don’t get it. Maybe I’m ordering the salad wrong. Next time I’ll just say, “I’d like a salad please, WITH lettuce. That’ll be great. But whatever you do, don’t give me those murderous tomatoes. Thanks.”

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About Dube

I am a professional freelance writer who specializes in magazine features, science stories, humor columns, novels, and scripts. I love receiving comments and thoughts on my posts, so write away! :) Visit my website, www.StephanieDube.com.

7 responses »

  1. SilenceIsFoo says:

    Has a woman ever asked you that question?

    It sounds like he was trying to be witty. And, you’d be surprised at what exactly qualifies as attractive to a guy. Don’t be too quick to rule out the post-gym look. It’s not the look itself, but the person sporting it.

  2. DAVE ID says:

    [i]Cracker Barrel cheesy hashbrown casserole…[/i]

    Sounds like it could block an artery… I SO WANT SOME. I Don’t know what it is but I heard CHEESE and HASHBROWN I’m sold.

  3. Dube says:

    Silence – Nope, a woman hasn’t. But trust me, had you seen me, you would know your theory cannot be correct. How sad if they thought the question was witty!

    Dave – The cheesy hashbrown casserole is truly a little piece of heaven on a plate. You need to try it!

  4. KrAzE says:

    Unfortunatly, they were most likely trained and the person before them asked it, and it got passed down.

    Hilarious however. I would like nachoes without chips plz.

  5. Dube says:

    Kraze, you’re probably right! That may be exactly why it happened. And nachos without chips… I should order that sometime and see what reactions I get. :-P

  6. So I am reading along and the whole time I’m thinking…wow, only salads. Clearly no tomatoes in them though. And, yup, there it is, the statement No Tomatoes! Poor lowly tomato.

    I am sure numerous posts…or one very long one..could be written on ridiculous statements made by service industry staff. My favourite common one is *finally* locating a sales person in a store and having them say “May I help you?” Well, d’uh!!!! No, I just spent the last 10 minutes hunting you down to wish you good day!

  7. Dube says:

    Panther – LOL! That’s so true. That question can be quite annoying sometimes.

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